A good way to get squished disguised as a game

So, I've been reading a lot about football recently in the newspaper. The NFL season started a couple weeks ago and all that stuff so football is one of the biggest sports going on at the moment. I got somewhat interested in football like a year or two ago and I admit to reading the articles about games and players in the sports section. But I'm still continually perplexed by football and football players. First of all, why is it called football? I mean, the players carry the ball with their hands. I looked that up online and found some answer about American football evolving from rugby football and rugby evolving from soccer (I'm an American so it's soccer not football) but it was still pretty confusing and I didn't get a clear answer. 

Personally, I don't think I would ever want to play football. There seems to be a high chance of being injured, squashed or killed. However it does seem that some people really like playing it and do so for hours on end and for a profession. But then again, I fence and I suppose you could find something similar in voluntarily getting out a sword and letting someone try to stab you while trying to do the same to them, and voluntarily getting on a field and presenting yourself as a target to lots of 300 pound guys whose job it is to squash you. 

Surprisingly enough, I actually like both the Minnesota Vikings and the Gophers (college team). The Vikings I don't know why I like them, probably because they worked hard and came close to the playoffs last season but didn't quite make it. I like the Gophers 'cause I feel sorry for them 'cause they had a horrible season last year. They're doing much better this year though with an undefeated 3-0 record. Of course I don't think it'll stay that way but considering they were 1-11 last year, it's a big improvement. In the NFL I also like the Green Bay Packers. I think it's cool that the majority of their stocks are owned by fans and not just one or two super rich people. I'm also rooting for their new quarterback Aaron Rodgers because he was put in such a hard position, following Brett Favre. 

Football. A game where the object of the offense is to move a ball down the field and score. And the object of the defense is to promptly squash the guy holding the ball. Though the first recorded mentions of modern football were during the mid 19th century I can easily imagine cavemen playing a similar game during their days.